Shards
by shad0wcast
Summary: Angst. This is my first angst themed fic. Pandora Hearts. Alice centered. Alice's POV. When Oz chooses the Will of the Abyss, what does Alice think about?


**Shards**

**A/N: **Gosh, Amy Lee really hit me! I just love Breathe No More! Yeah, another songfic :D. Please R and R! Thanks! Just a small idea of what Alice might be thinking if Oz fell for the Will of the Abyss. (Just a big IF).

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Pandora Hearts and the song.

I had another dream, a dream that has been recurring to me for the last few nights of solitude. On cold nights when not even the thick dances of the fire could warm my iced heart and frozen soul, this dream keeps on coming back, haunting and frightening me to the core.

After waking up, I could never go back to sleep again. I am filled with fear…and loneliness.

He…I can't let him know. No, not him of all people. This has nothing to do with him. Or so I say…

If I tell him that this dream deeply concerns me and my feelings toward him, fear crawls up on me. I am afraid that his laughter and smiles to me would never be the same. I am afraid now, more afraid than when I was in the deepest darkness of the Prison. I would rather return there and suffer another century or more than pain me with the truth that I might…never see his true smile. After making me see the light of the world, after making me feel again the feeling of being alive, after making me see the beauty of everything, I could not take it to hurt him more.

As I lay on the bed, I paused a while to remember what I have seen in my dream. Ah, a painful thing to do but on times like this, it is the only thing that I can do.

I was on a black pit; no light could endure its darkness. And a transparent was mirror before me. I neared the mirror and gently laid my hand on the surface, then rippled. Her face, at first a blur but eventually became vivid, came to view. She was me, I was her. Yet we are not the same. Two entities, one being. A complex truth, just as we should be.

Her face…it's so similar to me that it haunts me to the deepest of my soul. How can two different entities share the same face? A question I have failed to answer. Always.

She opened her eyes, her ice white lashes flickering in the action. Her eyes, the same piercing amethyst colored eyes, stared at me like what I am doing to her now. She reached up to match my hand. It was the same in every aspect.

She smiled at me and for a moment, I saw his smile too, enveloped within her. Her eyes, they glimmered in the same way his eyes did so. He was in her. She was in him.

The mirror began to crack, our image beginning to be disheveled. Was it a sign, that no matter how alike we look, we could be, we are not the same? Is it a truth that I should be happy about? Or is it a truth that I should be sad about, knowing that he is yielding towards her?

The floor beneath me fell open, taking me deeper with the shards. Shards of every piece, of which might be myself or her, dragged me down to an unknown dimension. Coldness locked me tight in her embrace, her cool breath suffocating me, drawing out the life, the urge, within me. I saw fragments of her face on some of the shards beside me and I reached out to it. But the moment I did, my fingers all but bled. Deep red color rushing out of me. Life, vitality, leaving my body. Never to return again as it remain suspended in the air while I kept on falling. Coldness remained with me, making me breathless…dead-like.

Soon, I realized, I stopped falling. I lay on a wet ground with the still dark walls around me. Droplets of water fell on around, was it rain? Some fell on my cheeks; some fell on my eyes, blurring my vision of nothingness. Some fell on my mouth, dry and barren, but I refused to take it all in. I was not thinking that it was poisoned or anything. I just felt like it would quench my real thirst.

When all the raining was done, in my still dewy vision, I saw him. His face ever so calm, his eyes ever so warm. I knew why she wanted him, the way I had wanted him too. He reflected life, warmth and happiness, things that we both never knew for long. I wanted him to tell me lies. I wanted him to lie to me, saying that all is but a dream in a dream. I wanted him to tell me that I was sick and I had been seeing, hearing, and feeling things. Most of all, I wanted to believe those lies. And when I succumb to the lie, I would feel better. I would feel new and alive.

But I know, just as when her image appeared next to him, her coldness wrapping his warmth, that no lie in the world could deny that we are different, that we are never one. A tear fell on my eye when a question emerged on my mind: which of us is the one you hold the dearest in your heart?

Again, I felt my fingers give out more blood, the shards piercing me deeper, hurting me forever.

My reverie summoned out by the light of dawn. The sky began to have color. Everything breathed new life. Soon, the golden rays filled my room, dispersing somehow the damp coldness and darkness that once draped my lair. I curled to my side, thinking, if I get to sleep again tonight, will the dream come again.

And just as I was about to start answering myself, the door went open. I turned back and saw him. His divine smile gracing me, his emerald eyes filled with warmth.

"Good morning, Alice." he greeted me.


End file.
